At first glance of the title  When Sinners Say “I Do”, It is possible that an immediate response might incur a curiosity that leads to the question: “Does this book address the hard results of a marriage covenant made between two non-believers?” This is a great assumption for that matter. Yet, in its curiosity, which is warranted with a genuine desire to see such implications answered, has failed to acknowledge the foundational principals upon which this book is built.

With the difficulties of marriage on display throughout, several themes are intertwined through each chapter as foundational truths that pierce the heart of any marriage. As a unifying thread, sin is brought to light as the leading culprit in the fallen nature of man and the some of the harsh realities we face in relationships. Accompanying its challenges, sin is magnified as the root reality from which humanity has found its struggle with God. More over, Dave Harvey completes the story by making evident the beautiful song of redemption and restoration that marriages require.

While several books offer self-help step by step methods to fixing conflict within relationships. This book seeks to shed a bright light of truth on the reality of sin within the marriage relationship and offers first and foremost an evaluation of the human condition and our individual need for mercy and grace. Highlighting the importance of our position to God in our sin.

The reader quickly discovers that this book is concerned and seeks to address all who have said “I do” or all who live in expectation of the marriage covenant. This book is not solely for the lost man or just the Christian family, but it is for all who seek after and enter into the covenant relationship of marriage. It is through God’s unique claim over the creation, design and purposes of marriage that this book points to Him as the focal point of its manifestation. It is first about God rather than an individual or a spouse.

The foundation of marriage is therefore to be a covenant relationship that seeks to glorify God. Through this relationship the full redemption of Christ is not lived out until the bitterness of sin is not fully understood. With several threads interwoven throughout this book, the understanding of our own sin is first and foremost of utter importance. With the ongoing need for a savior displayed in our own lives, we must come to an understanding of our need for grace from a living God. The first foundational truth is that this sin is against God.

Through understanding the need to have an accurate biblical theology and worldview in which we see our relationships exist. Sin entangles our desires and relationships with others. Understanding this reality gives us insight into how to respond to each other in a covenant relationship. This flies in the face of common thinking about marriage. That the cause of our sinful behavior is a result of ones spouse rather than our own sin.

Shifting the Blame doesn’t help and is nothing new in the arena of sin (Adam pointing the finger at Eve). Blame shifting is not an uncommon result of the fall and is often an indicator of a sinful heart. Dave Harvey points out that sin in the midst of relationships is described to have three distinct effects: Sin is Crafty, Sin is Alluring, Sin is Betraying. All of the results of these effects of sin cause the relationship to experience a “fog of war” where the spiritual battle is often blurred with decisions that were made with poor judgment and skewed desires. The prospects of a successful marriage or at least a happy one diminish in light of the reality of sin and its power. Yet, Harvey does not disregard the power of the gospel and the victory that can be held within marriages through the grace of God.

It is through the cross and the forgiveness of God that marriages experience victory in the face of tragic sin in our lives. Harvey quickly points out that we are counted righteous by the imputed righteousness of Christ. This remarkable truth stands as a beacon of hope over troubled times in marriages. Though the reality of sin is still strong in the fallen world around us we can taste the renewal of our relationships through understanding that He loved us first. It is our response to the reality of sin that often impacts our marriages and reveals what still anchors us to what is old and past away.

When Sinners Say “I Do” unravels the drama that is playing throughout humanity and the battle that rages within us all and between us all. Mainly the tragedy of sin and the beauty of grace. It is this battle for which we must gain the perspective of a living God so that we can wade the waters that could possibly entrap us in our marriages. Harvey offers several testing principles that can act as guide-stones in our relationships: 1) In Humility, Suspect Yourself first, 2) In Integrity, Inspect Yourself, 3) Admit that Circumstances Only Reveal Existing Sin. 4) Focus on Undeserved Grace, Not Unmet Needs. These “guide-stones” serve as a testing ground for our foundation. It is through experiencing and evaluating struggles that these steps help identify the need for and degree to which grace can be displayed.

Marriage is an amazing opportunity for grace to displayed in amazing ways by which could not be experienced in a single life. Harvey highlights this reality by saying “But sinners who say ‘I do’ have a different road to travel. It is the road of astonishing, undeserved grace – a grace so remarkable that it shows us the problem and then delivers the solution.”(75) This is a road that can be filled with amazing beauty because of how remarkable grace is displayed.

Another thread intertwined throughout is the thread of mercy. Mercy accompanies the theme of grace in this book. Through God withholding His wrath he displays His mercy by His kindness, patience and forgiveness toward us. This is another important thread because it plays a unique role in how spouses interact with one another concerning daily struggles. This in turn is plays an active role to view our own sin as bitter in order to view grace as even more sweet. This can only come about through the active work of God in our lives and his involvement in our marriages. Harvey highlights how God’s grace and mercy are meant to be “passed along” in a sense and that as we experience it for ourselves it is to be displayed to others, mainly our spouse.

Pointing to ones spouse as the source of the issues within a marriage is not the first thing that Harvey points for any wise couple to do. It begins with a critical evaluation and understanding of the fallen nature of man and the battle that we all face within that impacts everyone without. Once many of these issues are addressed and attacked with this understanding. It is through the miracle, that God pursues sinners with sinners; we discover God’s heart to redeem and restore us to himself. Through the remarkable story of David and Nathan serving as a launching pad to declare the truth into his life (1 Samuel), we see this principle lived out.

The tragedy of sin and the ripple effect it has had upon society since the dawn of time is a reality we must never lose understanding. When Sinners Say “I Do” breathes illumination into a slowly fading reality in society about the reality of sin and the impact it has upon marriages. This reality is often denied by some of the seemingly healthy Christian marriages and can twist and destroy relationships to their core.

Through an accurate and biblically grounded theology marriages can regain a better footing in grace. Through challenging and evaluating our hearts in light of scriptural truths the unique challenges of understanding our own desires versus the needs of our spouse in light of glorifying God through our marriage should cause us to display more of His character toward each other.

Dave Harvey uses piercing language and a biblical foundation to establish the desperate need every marriage has to experience the redeeming work of Jesus Christ. The humility, grace and mercy that a marriage requires are clearly displayed in the life and work of Jesus Christ and we can trust in His guidance to lead marriages into fulfilling and Christ exalting relations. It is marriage that serves as a beacon pointing to the marriage supper of the Lamb. How amazing is the display of the return of the Lamb being united with His church. It this redemptive work that our marriages are called to reflect and should so eagerly point to with expectation.

Harvey, Dave. When Sinners Say “I Do”: Disovering the Power of the Gopsel for Marriage